Day 5: Life is not What-not

Tell me about it.

The current state of, well, EVERYTHING, is making me feel like I have some very big choices to make.

How to move along in the direction that you need to go in when every obstacle in the known universe is standing in your way?

Or is it?

Something that I'm slowly becoming aware of lately is that those obstacles you see are sometimes a self-indulged illusion. They aren't really there. What you are seeing is your fear of change. Your fear of evolving. Your fear of taking a chance.

You see, I'm an odd artist. I have that whole "alternating perspective" and "never quite fitting in" weirdo thing going on. I also have the "she cleans up pretty good" thing going on. And I also have the "I'm a Virgo rising virgo and my underwear drawer is organized" thing going on.

Which means I can maintain feet-on-ground simultaneously with head-in-clouds simultaneously with 1st, 2nd, and 3rd person perspectives, while walking in 4 inch heels and looking damn good doing it.

[Don't try to be me unless you are wearing protective head gear/this is why you should thank me for being in therapy - you're welcome]

Thusly- I have level-enough thinking that being without health insurance makes me very very nervous. Which is where those imaginary obstacles come into play.

I *could* quit my day job and do music full time the way I want to. I *could* work a bunch of odd jobs and be able to sleep late enough that I really could go out and perform all over the place at night. I *could* get my cost of living down low enough to do these things.

But - and here's the trixy part...

That means I'd be taking a big big chance. That means no steady paycheck. That means cheap unreliable health insurance. That means maybe getting a skeezy roommate.

Can I do that? Can I take a chance? How important is it? What are the deal breakers? What can I, and can I not do?

Don't get me wrong- I like my day job a lot. But I love music more. I adore my co-workers, and my steady check, and my health insurance, and my other benefits, - but I CRAVE being on stage. I'm amazing at excel spreadsheets- I can calculate budgets, goals, predict trends, wow clients, and close deals like a maniac, but I hear lyrics in my head while I'm doing it. Writing music comes as naturally to me as breathing. I never get as much satisfaction from closing a sale as I do from finishing a song that I really struggled with, or from getting off stage after one of those life-altering performances.

Pros...cons...pros...cons.....

I think I have a lot of thinking to do.....